Posted: November 27th, 2022

Undisclosed Paternal Identity in Narratives of Distress Among

ORIGINAL PAPER
Undisclosed Paternal Identity in Narratives of Distress Among
Young People in Eastern Cape, South Africa
Mzikazi Nduna • Rachel Jewkes
Published online: 17 July 2010
Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2010
Abstract Life trajectories of children with no connections to support from their fathers have received research
attention. Within this group is a sub-group who do not
know their fathers and no research has attempted to
understand their experiences. We present accounts of how
young South Africans deal with and seek to uncover
undisclosed paternity. Forty young men and women aged
16 to 22 volunteered to participate in a qualitative study on
distress that was conducted in the Eastern Cape Province.
All interviews were conducted in isiXhosa, following a
semi-structured guide. Our findings show that interest in
father identity was motivated by harsh circumstances in the
maternal home, notably when financial difficulties, exclusion from critical decision making and bullying by nonbiological siblings were felt. The search for father identity
was pursued in solitude by some participants: their fear of
elders’ response restrained them from asking. Some
thought that it would be interpreted as being disrespectful
and ungrateful to ask ‘such a question’, whilst others
worried that they might be victimized or, worse, thrown out
by their mothers or maternal guardians. We present
accounts of accidental disclosures by strangers and also
inadvertent involvement in an incestuous relationship.
Open and honest communication with children about their
paternal identity should be promoted to prevent the currents of silence, secrecy and anxiety, and avoid unpleasant
surprises for the children.
Keywords Family Father Paternity Youth
South Africa
Introduction
Children’s experience of undisclosed paternity has
received no specific research attention. This phenomenon is
mentioned in passing with reference to absent fathers in
studies of family life, masculinity, fatherhood, orphanhood
and poverty (Denis and Ntsimane 2006; Eddy 2009;
Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Hunter 2006; Kane-Berman
2009; Madhavan et al. 2008; May and Norton 1997; Moore
1988; Ramphele and Richter 2006; Townsend et al. 2005).
Yet there is a difference between absent fathers and
undisclosed paternal identity. ‘Absent fathers’ is a broad
category, and studies from South Africa report on the
demographics, causes, increase and possible impact of
absent African fathers but do not report on the experiences
and how children are affected when paternal identity was
unknown to them (Coovadia et al. 2009; Denis and
Ntsimane 2006; Department of Health, Medical Research
Council, and Measure DHS? 2002; Department of Health,
Medical Research Council and OrcMacro 2007; Eddy
2009; Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Jewkes et al. 2006;
Kane-Berman 2009; Madhavan et al. 2008; Posel and
Devey 2006). Sometimes children with absent fathers may
not know their father and this causes problems. For example, in a study conducted in the Mpumalanga province,
24% of the 315 children aged 10 and 11 did not have any
connection with their fathers, sometimes the biological
father was genuinely unknown to the mother, child, and
other kin (Townsend et al. 2005). In other cases a father
maybe known to the mother (and possibly more widely),
but he had never acknowledged paternity (Datta 2007;
M. Nduna (&)
Department of Psychology, University of Witwatersrand,
Private Bag X3, WITS, 2050 Johannesburg, South Africa
e-mail: Mzikazi.nduna@wits.ac.za
R. Jewkes
Gender and Health Research Unit, Medical Research Council,
Pretoria, South Africa
123
J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303–310
DOI 10.1007/s10826-010-9393-4
Denis and Ntsimane 2006; Hunter 2006; Nduna and
Maseko 2008).
Research on adolescence shows this to be a time when
the need for family belonging and identity becomes particularly strong and children generally have a need to know
their parents (Plotnik 1999; Ramphele and Richter 2006;
Sebastian et al. 2008; Thomas 1992; Turney 2005; Weiten
2001; Zimardo et al. 1993). Evidence to support this comes
from qualitative research with adults in Botswana. Participants said that where paternal identity was undisclosed,
they started asking questions during their adolescence
about their fathers and wanted to find them (Datta 2007).
Similar findings emerged from women in South Africa
whose children asked them to disclose true paternity (Denis
and Ntsimane 2006). However, there is limited understanding of the specific dimensions of family functioning
that prompt this. In this paper, through participants’
accounts, we demonstrate how maternal family circumstances breed a sense of both physical and emotional
insecurity for children who have no knowledge of, and no
connection with their biological fathers.
Method
We conducted a phenomenological study in distress in
Butterworth, a small town in the predominantly rural
province of the Eastern Cape in South Africa. This district
has three suburbs, seven townships, eight informal settlements and 25 rural villages. Residents are mainly Black
Africans of the AmaMfengu tribe, mostly Christians and in
the low to middle class. We recruited youth aged between
16 and 24 who were either in or out of school. Volunteers
came to know about the study through a research Helpant,
a study announcement made at two local high schools
through life skills teachers, and by word of mouth.
A snowball approach best describes the recruitment strategy (Speziale and Carpenter 2007). In isiXhosa, we
described the study in information sheets as research about
young people and their life experiences; we described the
study selection procedures, its voluntary nature and methods of information collection. We sent information sheets
to the research Helpant a month before field work began so
that they are distributed to potential participants. On the
day of data collection, we re-emphasized information about
the study in order to ascertain that volunteers were aware of
the details in the information sheets. All participants gave
written consent for the interview to be audio-recorded.
In September 2007 and April 2008 we interviewed a
total of 40 young people at venues as agreed with the
participants: either at school or in the researcher’s car. On
the few occasions when visual privacy could not be
guaranteed, auditory privacy was always ensured. We
conducted all interviews in isiXhosa following a
semi-structured interview guide. Each interview took about
an hour. We asked participants to recall and describe a life
experience that bothered them or caused them pain,
describe how they think the experience affected their daily
life, how others (family, relatives or anybody else)
responded and what attempts at resolution did they explore.
We transcribed interviews verbatim and translated them
into English. We obtained ethical approval for the study
from the University of Witwatersrand and we used
pseudonyms for participants during transcription.
During the research process we paid particular attention
to representing the participant’s experiences accurately.
The first author for this paper originates from the same
place, bringing a deep, insider view to the lives of the
people under study. This strengthens the validity of the
interpretation of findings (O’Connor and Gibson 2003).
Both authors have worked with young people in this area
on interventions and research, which enhances their credibility and cultural knowledge. After the initial preliminary
analysis, we run a workshop in Butterworth to present the
findings and see whether they fitted with the community’s
experience; this is called member checking and is a recommended way to confirm the credibility of qualitative
findings (Speziale and Carpenter 2007).
The sample consisted of 24 females and 16 males, half
under and half over 18. Twenty-seven of the participants
were high school students, 10 were enrolled at the
University of Technology and three were out of school but
unemployed. Eight of those in high schools were over the
age of 18. All were still under parental care. Thirty had
lived most of their lives in the townships whilst the other
10 predominantly grew up in villages. Sixteen were living
with a primary caregiver who was neither their biological
mother nor father. Five had lost both parents, 10 had lost a
father only and six a mother only. The longest period of
loss of a parent was 10 years and the shortest was 2 years.
Pain associated with the narration was deeply personal and
profoundly disabling for many participants, as it was in an
intimate arena of their familial lives. For some participants,
sharing their stories was seen as a journey of healing.
We offered a referral to the social workers for participants
who appeared extremely distressed in telling their stories.
None of them took the offer, a choice that was respected.
For some participants the pain remained intensely private—
not even to be discussed with closest of family and friends.
We analyzed the data following conventional qualitative
approaches and recommendations for phenomenological
studies (Babbie 2008; Speziale and Carpenter 2007).
During the process of coding we clustered together similar
elements from the narratives and labeled them as themes.
We identified the theme of ‘unknown father’ as dominant
in different narratives. Twenty-one of the 40 respondents
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123
spoke about absent fathers as their main source of distress.
At the time of the interview, some had hints about their
father’s name, clan, surname, and place of origin or work,
but had no connection with him. As this was a recurring
and pronounced theme, all narratives that referred to this
were further coded to look at meanings attached to the
experience and responses of significant others when the
question of father identity was asked. The focused analysis
resulted in this paper. We have presented exhaustive
descriptions of broader findings on distress from the study
elsewhere (Nduna 2010; Nduna and Jewkes 2010).
Results
We present findings on how participants approached and
dealt with the question of unknown father identity. Silence
from mothers about the identity of the father caused feelings of insecurity, anxiety and frustration for the participants. Participants described how interest in their father’s
identity started in the middle to late teens, although some
learnt about their fathers from the village when much
younger. We also show how an inadvertent case of incest
was both an opportunity to discover the true identity of a
father and a bitter consequence of undisclosed true
paternity.
Motivations for Seeking Paternal Disclosure
Participants’ motivations for seeking to know their fathers
differed, but in the main, they responded to financial
hardships and physical and emotional abuse from maternal
relatives and stepparents. Financial contributions towards
clothes, food and education defined the material value of
the absent father, beyond identity completion. For example,
Sipho (male, 22), like others, worried about his mother’s
inability to raise money to ensure that he could complete
high school, and this prompted his questions about his
father. Sipho said:
‘‘…Last year here at school they were asking us for
school fees, R400…She [mom] said she did not have
money…I asked her ‘what about my father where is
he? You once told me he is a teacher’…’’
When we met him for the interview Sipho was among
the students who had not paid tuition fees for the current
year and possible school exclusion worried him. The theme
of hardships prevailed and it was a motivation for Phakama
(female, 18) to run away from her maternal home where
they would go ‘‘…without food and could not afford
school…’’. She was a maternal orphan whose maternal
grandparents would not allow her to know about her father.
Some of the participants did not stay with their mothers, or
the mothers were unemployed or had died. In the absence
of their mothers and with no knowledge of their fathers,
they often occupied a particularly low status in their homes
and had no one to stand up for them. This experience
motivated Phakama to follow leads as to her father’s
whereabouts, in the hope of breaking away from the poverty of her maternal home. She discovered that her father
was a teacher, and so ran away to find him. Phakama was
living with her father at the time of the interview. Others
described times when they were bullied by cousins and
relatives. They talked about moving between homes to be
cared for by different uncles and aunts, resulting in disrupted education. At homes they felt that they were asked
to do heavier work and were punished through severe
beatings, especially by uncles. They understood that the
fact that they ‘did not have a father’ explained the harsh
treatment they received.
Chuma’s (male, 17) father denied that he was responsible for the pregnancy and left his mother unsupported.
She married another man. Chuma’s narrative focused on
his experience with his stepfather, who painfully and
consistently reminded him that he was not his father.
Chuma felt unloved and rejected, and he perceived his
presence in his home to be a source of marital conflict
between his mother and step-father. Even though his
stepfather had a job in the government as a civil servant,
they were short of money even for rent, and had to move to
a village. This was a sign of social demotion. Chuma made
money working as a vendor after school, selling sweets,
vegetables and other items, a source of both pride and pain.
As he said: ‘‘…I was playing a father’s role of making sure
that I support my mother to put food on the table…’’:
meanwhile she had not given him a clue about the
whereabouts of his father.
Not all were so disadvantaged and Nkosazana’s narrative shows that where money was available and familial
kindness forthcoming, paternal identity was less of an
issue. Her maternal family was well placed to fully provide
support. Her maternal uncle, a teacher, met her financial
and emotional needs. She never enquired about her father
and did not keep his contact details even after she had met
him. She said: ‘‘…When we met I did not have any unmet
needs, I’m being provided with everything that I need…’’.
This contention was rare in the other narratives.
Status and Recognition in Maternal Homes
A socially recognized connection through paternity legitimizes claims of belonging and improves the status of
children in their homes. Though the treatment of children
and their levels of involvement in decision-making vary
from family to family, we uncovered complaints of being
excluded from decision making by some participants with
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123
absent fathers. Others said they felt like outsiders and
during family conflicts they were sometimes told that they
did not belong to the home. This made them feel insecure
as they felt that their situation allowed them to be blackmailed and abused. Some felt that they were being chased
out of the home and indeed had moved out. According to
Donga’s narrative conflict did not always evoke feelings of
being an outsider. Donga (male, 20) grew up with his
mother and was content with her financial and emotional
support. Donga had just come out of ukwaluka and was
ikrwala [a new man]. ‘Ukwaluka’ is a rite of passage for
amaXhosa boys that comprise a series of rituals in African
traditional religion upon which status change to manhood
is acknowledged (Mager 1998; Mavundla et al. 2009;
Mekoa 2003). The ritual involves sending boys, usually at
age 18, to a 4-week initiation school, after which they
should forsake boyish behavior and assume adult behavior.
The boy’s father, his male relatives and elderly men in the
community, as custodians of the tradition, play a significant
role in initiating the boy. Donga reflected on his father’s
expected role as someone who, he hoped, would help him
to enter manhood and ensure that his new status would be
taken seriously. He complained that in his maternal home
‘‘…Sometimes you find that there is umsebenzi [traditional
ceremony or ritual] to be done at home and find that I have
not been informed…at the end I am a man and I belong to
this home; there is no other home that I know of…’’. The
‘umsebenzi’ [traditional ceremony] referred to here was
held at his village home a few weeks before we met him for
the interview. These ceremonies are customary in the
Xhosa tradition and have significance for family members.
Usually sacrifices to the ancestors are made; those who are
present are believed to receive ancestral blessings. He felt
undermined as a man that his mother did not tell him about
it and he interpreted it in terms of his absent father and as a
sign of his unrecognized social status within his maternal
home.
Asking Questions
We asked participants if they ever asked their mothers or
other relevant adults about the identity and whereabouts of
their fathers. Most said that questioning mothers or other
guardians about paternal identity was uncomfortable.
Again and again they spoke about avoiding asking ‘‘such a
question’’. This quote from Donga supports this:
Sometimes you feel like asking the parent that you
currently stay with, in my case my mother but you
also have that fear and find that you are unable to ask
such a question so that’s what is really bothering
me…I just lock myself in my room thinking that if
my father was around things would have been different so I do cry sometimes but not loud…When I
see other [young] females don’t want their children
to know their fathers then I ask myself if that
particular woman knows the pain that the child
will go through because I know it from experience…I am here without the knowledge of who
my father is…
Participants instinctively felt that they might be looked
at and treated differently after asking such a question; or,
worse, they might be thrown out of the house for being
‘ungrateful’ to their single mothers. For example, Donga
said: ‘‘…I am avoiding my mother…so I am avoiding the
fact that when she sees me crying she would want to find
out why, then I would say it’s because my father…That’s
what I hate whereas she raised me alone up to this stage so
I think she would ask why am I only asking about my father
now…’’. For others it was a topic that had never been
discussed at home and so they were loath to raise it,
intuitively feeling that it was potentially explosive.
Interestingly, for males, a strategic opportunity arose to
ask. During preparations for ukwaluka (initiation school),
consultation with the father is important. Normally, imbeleko should precede ukwaluka. Imbeleko is a sacrificial
ritual in which a newly born child, as a new member of the
family, is introduced to a clan of ancestors (Kuckertz 1990;
Mkhize 2006). Boys raised by their mother’s family can
have these rituals done under the auspices of their maternal
family. When Donga (male, 20) and Sipho (male, 22) were
preparing to go to the initiation school, a traditional healer
advised that Donga’s father be involved in the initiation,
and asked who the father was. Sipho’s uncles suggested to
the boys’ mothers that it was important to invite and
involve the fathers, or their clan members, so as to initiate
connections with ancestors. Sipho’s uncle suggested that he
should have his imbeleko done first ‘‘…with the knowledge,
presence and participation of my father…’’. Both boys
were frustrated that their mothers neither heeded the call to
invite the fathers, nor disclosed their fathers. Donga’s elder
brother dismissed this question, saying that he too did not
know his own father and he were initiated by his maternal
family. Both Sipho and Donga were very appreciative of
their mothers, and ultimately they did not contest undergoing initiation under their maternal families. Thus, the
boys missed the opportunity provided by ukwaluka.
Donga’s mother was adamant about establishing her position, and, in fact, she used the opportunity during umgidi
[the return from the initiations school ceremony] to publicly announce that ‘‘…she is my mother and father at the
same time, there is no one else…’’. She clearly knew that
her son was waiting for her answer to the question posed by
the traditional healer and her making this statement
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publicly further restrained Donga from ever asking again;
as he said ‘‘…I decided not to ask any question again…I
never asked that at all…’’.
Open Secrets
Despite the frustrating and daunting silence, some participants stated that they felt that they were old enough to be
able to handle the truth even if they had to keep it secret,
and few asked either their mothers or aunts who their
fathers were. Responses varied, but after the child discovered truth on their own some mothers said they were
‘‘waiting until the right time’’ to tell them. In an account of
undisclosed adoption, a drunken man told Nombeko
(female, 22) that the woman she knew as her older sister
was actually her mother (she was being raised by her
maternal grandparents). Nombeko did some research in the
village and among other things she leant who her father
was. Nombeko said ‘‘… each time I asked, my grandmother shouted or beat me…’’ for asking about information she heard from the street. She said: ‘‘…By the time
I asked I needed to confirm something that I already knew,
I needed to hear it from an adult…from my own family…
so I gave up…’’ Nombeko described with bitterness how
her family’s response strained their relationship and caused
her more confusion.
In another open secret, neighbours introduced Phakama
(female, 18) to her brother, from another mother. Her halfbrother persuaded her to go 80 km to the town of Butterworth to meet their father because he ‘‘… needed…’’ her,
but he could not come and ask her grandparents because he
‘‘…did not pay damages…’’. ‘Damages’ refer to a traditional form of accepting paternity in the event of a pregnancy that happen out-of-wedlock. It is in the form of
payment due from a man to the woman’s family. Failure to
pay damages following pregnancy meant that grandparents
did not allow the father to come and visit his child.
Phakama’s paternal family lived in the same village but her
maternal grandparents would not allow them near her
because ‘‘…they would steal and take me to my father in
Butterworth…I didn’t know my father, I only heard from
people that he is Butterworth, he is like this and that…’’.
Phakama did not discuss her discovery of her father with
her maternal grandparents as she thought it would be
unacceptable; she and her step-brother ran away from their
respective maternal homes to stay with their father.
Participants invariably brought news they heard about their
father’s identities home. Nkosazana was aged 13 when she
went back home to ask her family about the man in the
street who told her that he was her father- her family
welcomed the discussion.
Incest: Discovering the Truth and a Bitter Consequence
of Undisclosed Paternity
There are many opportunities for sexual encounters among
the youth in the communities we studied, as they attended
the same schools, played in the same streets and used the
same shops. Phakama was in her early teens, and she said
she once overheard her father saying that he had fourteen
children; since she had not met many of them, she worried
about potential incest. Such worries cannot be dismissed,
as incest was a pathway to discovery of true paternity for
Siyabonga (male, 19). He said:
…My girlfriend came to visit me at my home and my
mother saw her and asked me if we knew each other,
I said yes. She said that ‘it is good that kids of the
same father know each other…if your father was still
alive he would be very happy to see you together’…the girl and I had no clue what she was saying
about ‘your father’…
In hindsight he realized that, in the course of his longstanding relationship with the girl, some villagers had made
suggestive comments that they looked alike, but they were
oblivious to the implications, as they had no clue to their
fathers’ identities. Siyabonga was conceived as a result of
rape, and his (late) father rejected responsibility, which
could explain why his mother kept this a secret. This
severely affected him. He lashed out at his mother and even
accused her of having killed his father through witchcraft;
later he displayed an array of behavioral problems,
including drinking, disappearing from home, pick-pocketing and bunking school. He was angry with his mother for
not telling him the truth much earlier. He got confused
about different versions of the truth and even attempted
suicide.
Discussion
Our findings suggest that seeking paternal identity was not
only about establishing identity, as theories of adolescence
may suggest; rather, in the context of poverty, the primary
motivation was to get support from the father. In large
families where three generations often lived in one house
with no one working poverty and hardship were pronounced. In today’s economic context, where 75% of
African children in South Africa are reported to live in
income poverty, financial hardship places extreme pressure
on families; this results in a lack of basic necessities such
as food and money for schooling (Eddy 2009; Mkhize
2006). As reported here, when resources were limited, and
family membership was viewed in terms of access to
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family resources this provided a motivation for restricting
family membership which generated intrafamilial conflict
and raises challenges related to family adoption for children who do not know their fathers. In these circumstances
some participants responded at an intrapsychic level and
felt themselves to be additional and unnecessary burdens.
Other’s responses operated at an interpersonal level by
accusing their mothers of hiding information from them.
However, considering the broader context of poverty, the
suffering borne by the participants may not always have
been motivated by evil on the side of the guardians.
Families may have been ripped apart simply because they
had fallen on hard times brought about by illness, death and
poverty. This is illustrated in another paper (Nduna and
Jewkes 2010). These situations challenge the assumption
that a child born out of wedlock will be taken care of by
maternal grandparents, guaranteed lineage, social position,
ancestral protection and material support (Datta 2007;
Euler et al. 2001; Jewkes et al. 2009; Kaufman et al. 2001;
Kuckertz 1990; Malherbe 2006, 2007; Risseeuw and
Palriwala 1996), more so for children with no connection
and no knowledge of their fathers.
Physical suffering, emotional starvation, and the cold
absence of love, tenderness and care were some of the
motivations for seeking paternal identity as identified in
this paper. Participants talked about having nobody to turn
to and in their eyes this was personalized and they blamed
those who acted as their guardians for hiding their true
paternity. Failures by both the mother and the unknown
father to offer proper care to the children rendered them
powerless, voiceless and the most vulnerable members of
the extended family households where some lived. Harsh
treatment by relatives led to participants’ perceptions of
weakened family loyalties, and left questions about their
safety under maternal uncles. This increased their motivation to want to know their own fathers. Psychological
theories contend that adolescence is a period of Assessment
when children start to monitor the social world around
them, interpret others’ behaviors and question intentions
(Plotnik 1999; Santrock 2005). Our participants interpreted
the actions of maternal relatives as sinister. We argue that
whilst participants were incorporated by their maternal
families, narratives of exploitation, differential treatment,
blackmail, abuse by relatives and loveless households that
were utterly characterized by conflicts posed questions for
assumptions about traditional and time-honored role of
families in protecting children. Supporting research
showing that security is not always guaranteed for children
in maternal homes (Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Risseeuw
and Palriwala 1996; Shaffer 2002) more so when they do
not have connection to their fathers.
On the male participants’ side, frustrations of undisclosed father identity were rooted in tensions around
perceptions of their ‘adult’ status.The two males felt that
their age and the manly status acquired through tradition
entitled them to expect a more open adult relationship with
their mothers. They were disappointed that their mothers
were not ready to talk to them openly even when an
opportunity presented itself during preparations for ukwaluka. The desired role of the biological father in preparation for initiation school emanating from the belief in
ancestral protection (Datta 2007; Morrell and Richter
2006) was an opportunity that could have been utilized for
disclosure. The search for the father can be facilitated or
thwarted by different responses. The silence could also
speak volumes about the circumstances of pregnancy.
As children, participants did not have the authority get
adults to listen to them. Lack of communication can be
interpreted as a sign of negative family functioning. On the
child’s side, knowing one’s father might be expected to
heal the pain; children felt that perhaps this should start
with the mothers acknowledging the great wrong that has
been done by not disclosing father identity to their children. Parents’ common response that they were waiting for
the right time—though these narratives came from children
older than the age of 18, which is considered the age of
maturity—reflected what has been identified as parents’
ambivalent feelings about their children being adults
(Santrock 1992, 2005; Shaffer 2002). However, the
extended family and neighbors helped participants in some
instances to discover the identities and whereabouts of their
true fathers.
These findings show that where lies were told, or truths
untold, the pain was significant for the participants. However, the silent search suggested that asking about father’s
identity required carefully balancing the need to show
respect and gratitude to the mother with the need to know.
Adolescence is usually presented as a stage characterized
by conflict with parents (Rice 1984; Shaffer 2002; Thomas
1992). These youths, by not asking, avoided conflict with
their mothers. We saw them display what (Santrock 1992)
and (Shaffer 2002) argue is an adolescent’s heightened
awareness of others and an ability to detect contextual or
situational variability. The following interpretation is
germane.
Firstly, they considered that they might be victimized if
they asked questions. Participants were concerned that
asking questions might be interpreted as disrespectful by
adults. And in African society, respect, expressed through
unquestioning obedience, is a very important value taught
to children (Jewkes et al. 2005; Mekoa 2003). The ‘respect’
expected of them functioned as psychological control to
constrain verbal expression of feelings, and induced feelings of guilt on their side. However, respect did not stop
them from blaming their mothers for hiding the truth and
holding ulterior motives. The self-restraint displayed here,
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we argue, could result in suppressed anxiety and distress,
and, with no intervention, could contribute to serious
depression. Secondly, after evaluating the volatility of the
environment, some participants said they decided not to tell
at home when they discovered the truth. They used information to create a sense of autonomy for themselves and
found ways to join their fathers.
Parents employed different strategies in dealing with the
question; most were not satisfactory to the children as disclosure was rarely an outcome. The question was dismissed
by parents as unimportant, invalidating the children’s
interest. And in response to not being told the truth, or to
inappropriate discovery of the truth, participants expressed
feelings of loneliness and sadness, of being unwanted,
unloved, uncared for, worthless, angry, confused and
rejected. These feelings were also associated with an
attempted suicide by the male participant who was involved
in an incestuous relationship, an indication that inappropriate disclosure can cause a seriously distressing situation,
especially in a case involving social taboos and offensiveness around within clan sex (Guma and Henda 2004;
Niehaus 2002). How children and families handle undisclosed father identity is very important in order to prevent
negative psychological impact. Feelings of isolation from a
clique that knows; being fearful and anxious; experiencing
rejection when one has finally asked; and lack of confidence
in people that one is emotionally connected to, such as
mothers, were all described in depth by participants and
these are ingredients that in the long term, these feelings
might lead to depression and suicidal behavior.
Limitations
This paper is based on a limited number of interviews from
a particular community and it is possible that more interviews could have reflected other issues surrounding
undisclosed paternity. One interview was conducted with
each participant, and these did not contain full life histories, which might have given more contexts to issues surrounding undisclosed paternity and its implications. It is
critical that parents’ voices are also heard if we are to fully
understand the challenges faced by the youth. These findings do not imply that paternal identity and disclosure are
always distressing experiences for youth, as it is possible
that youth who had smoothly resolved this did not volunteer for the study.
Conclusion
In this paper we have identified the ‘‘need to know one’s
father’’ as important in youth, but it is undoubtedly linked
to many other negative experiences in this setting. This
paper shows that the value placed by the youth on paternal
identity became especially important in the face of adversity, conflicts in the maternal home, and a desire to improve
(often very difficult) financial circumstances. The implicit
universalizing and naturalistic assumption that the maternal
family satisfactorily provides a home for all ignores the
effect of poverty on some households in South Africa.
A real fear of asking mothers about fathers’ identity in a
bid to avoid conflict was notable here, suggesting that
families needed support to help them develop strategies to
dialogue the issue of paternal identity. It is highly possible
that embarrassments, distress, incest and some suicide
attempts could be prevented by early disclosure.
Acknowledgments This study was supported by funding received
from the Ford Foundation through the Africa Regional Sexuality
Resources Centre, the Faculty of Humanities and the Carnegie Fellowship Awards received from the University of Witwatersrand. We
thank all the participants who volunteered their time on the project
and colleagues who provided feedback throughout the writing process, in particular Yandisa Sikweyiya and Lindiwe Farlane for their
insightful comments on earlier drafts.
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