Perfect

My palms are not sweating as I type this.

I’ve never lied to my parents and said I was doing my homework when I was instant messaging friends, and then flunked an English essay as a result. I’ve never handed in work that was “just good enough” or disagreed with a teacher about a grade. I’ve never studied my butt off for finals just so I would get a 3.0 upon transfer to a new school. I’ve never cried at night because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough. I’ve never done any of these things, because I’m perfect.

I always smile politely at people who taunt me. I never blow off a friend because I’m annoyed. I never, ever tell a lie. In spite of my ADD, I never fidget in class or fall asleep because my medication kept me up at night.

I never make sarcastic comments in World Civilizations. I never have mood swings, and I never read science fiction during English, even when I hate the book we’ve been assigned.

I never blow off church on Easter because I’d rather eat chocolate and harbor doubts about Catholicism, even though attending mass would please my father. I never play “anywhere but here” when trying to find a seat in the cafeteria, or wish myself invisible during study hall. I never binge, even when depressed and angry with my mother. Speaking of mothers, I never fight with her either, even though we’re too alike to live together.

Like I said, I have no flaws and I’ve never felt fear. I am a heroine and I love school, and I never, ever tell a lie or mess up or feel depressed when I break out or my hair’s the size and shape of a space shuttle. I know emotionally and intellectually that beauty is on the inside.

You have just read a confession of my vices and shame and guilt. If you’re still reading, you are probably the kind of person I want to learn from – patient, kind, and sick of reading sentimental essays about family tragedies.

I’m not perfect, and I won’t pretend to be. I do want to be accepted by your school and make you see that I have good qualities. I want to be independent but also want help transitioning from school to life. I enjoy learning and debating. While I’m not always the best student, I try.

I’m competitive and argumentative. I love warm weather but tolerate anything as long as the company is good. I have mood swings, but I will try to manage them.

I will do my very best to succeed at your school, but I’ll be honest about whether it’s a good fit. I love writing, even essays, and I have a weird sense of humor. I wrote the first draft of this essay long before it was due.

I’m never, and do not aspire to be, perfect.