English Literature Seminar

This 12 months, I’m taking an exquisite English literature seminar. The instructor is good, the works are basic, and the 18 college students are shut, many people mates since elementary faculty.
Two ladies – good mates of mine – led the seminar on Sonny’s Blues by James Baldwin. It tells the story of two reverse brothers – Sonny, a wild, gifted musician and heroin addict, and the unnamed narrator, a pensive math instructor who lives a lifetime of monotony. Whereas the narrator seeks assimilation into the white tradition, Sonny rejects white society and as an alternative embraces his blues music. But every fears a side of their way of life: after being put in jail for heroin possession, Sonny writes that he ended up incarcerated as a result of he was “afraid of one thing…and you recognize I’ve by no means been very robust within the head.” He’s afraid of injuring others, of letting down his household. However the narrator, in his personal method, is afraid as properly.

He has management over so many features of his monotonous life that the unpredictable way of life of his brother scares him.
On the finish of the seminar, the leaders – an avid poet and lover of literature with wild, stunning hair and unique options, and a neat and pushed scholar for whom motive and logic dictate each transfer – led an exercise. They handed out slips of paper the scale of a human palm; on it, we had been to put in writing our greatest worry – the one aspect of life that hinders us day-after-day. The task was deliberately nameless. Once we had been achieved, we folded our papers and dropped them right into a grey knit hat.
Subsequent, the ladies had the scholars draw a slip – not their very own – learn it aloud, and inform the category why this is likely to be worthy of worry.
It began sluggish. Juliette – organized, pleasant, and athletic – learn the primary: getting damage. “Possibly,” she started, “they’re afraid of being damage in a relationship.”
“Do you suppose they’ve been damage earlier than?” our instructor requested.
“Sure,” stated Juliette. “It’s extra rational to be afraid of issues which have occurred to you.”
We continued drawing. I’m afraid that the sleek equipment of my life will come to a rusty, halting cease. Such a distinctly worded worry ought to have made everybody within the room flip to 1 particular person, however as an alternative, eyes learn eyes to see if somebody would fess up of their physique language.
Success. A 9-5 job.
The exercise referred to as for the drawing of three fears, however we did almost a dozen earlier than the bell rang. Simply earlier than it did, nonetheless, I raised my hand. “Can we preserve the fears?” I requested. “Not our personal, however another person’s?”
Others chimed in settlement. Sarah – outgoing and delicate – prompt that we depart the secrets and techniques on the desk within the entrance. As we filed out, we’d every take another person’s worry.
As I packed away my binder and pens, I heard my pal Carrie – candy, gullible and a procrastinator – behind me. “Anna,” she stated to me, “I’ll shield you.” I noticed her clutching a slip – my worry:
I’m afraid of getting too near folks, as a result of then there’s extra at stake and extra to lose.
It was a deviation from my common optimism, so it took me a second to determine how Carrie had recognized it was mine. As soon as I did, although, it was apparent: my handwriting. How ironic that one thing on the floor – the best way I looped my l’s and dotted my i’s – was what uncovered one thing I had hidden for thus lengthy.
For an prompt, I used to be mad at Carrie for making me really feel so susceptible. I had deliberate to take a classmate’s worry with out guessing whose it was, and had assumed the identical courtesy could be given to me. However the anger subsided, and I felt simply what Carrie had promised – protected.
I used to be one of many final college students out of the room, and solely a handful of fears had been nonetheless on the desk. I took one with out trying and hurried to my subsequent class. It was not till a lot later that I even unfolded my slip. As soon as I did, although, I put it into my pockets. In the identical method that all of us have completely different fears, all of us protected our classmates in a different way. I’m certain Carrie didn’t preserve my worry together with her so long as I did, no less than not within the literal sense that I did.
We had made ourselves so susceptible by placing our fears onto paper after which exchanging them, and maybe that was the one factor we had been speculated to worry essentially the most. In truth, although, that was essentially the most comforting half. It was a silent, undeclared plea for defense. And it was answered. I do know that, in the identical method that all of us have the identical fears, everybody sheltered theirs – each the one that they had written and the one that they had taken. To at the present time, I carry in my pockets a slip of paper, not larger than my palm, with a single phrase on it.
A few of the secrets and techniques had been lengthy, some had been quick. However there was an simple overlap, as a result of, in the long run, all of us worry the identical issues. And that’s what makes it really easy to guard one another, even once we are ripping off our armor and exposing our weak spots. Ultimately, all of us shield one another as a result of all of us want safety. Our empathy for one another is the strongest part of the human race, and all the time will probably be.
At any time when I doubt this, I peel the slip of paper from beside my driver’s license, unfold it, and remind myself to guard. We’re, in the long run, afraid of just one factor. As my nameless classmate wrote, so eloquently and so merely: failure.