I Suck at Being Mad

Being able to stay mad at somebody for a substantial period of time is a vital life skill, right? I wouldn’t know because I am terrible at it. When I get in a fight with somebody I am the first one to apologize or turn into a baby by crying. It’s just impossible for me to stay mad for long enough to make my point.

Sometimes this is a good thing…. Especially when a fight is mainly my fault. Then it’s is a good time to be the bigger person. But since I inherited the gene of perfectionism, I usually don’t cause issues with people. I will say that being mad at my parents does not generally work in my favor. Now that I am in college I sometimes think my parents don’t have much control over me, but then they pull the “Do you want us to pay for college?” card.

Being mad ends there.

I use to think that I didn’t mind minded confrontation. It turns out I only did not mind it with my family (I honestly cannot believe I just admitted an imperfection!). In this so-called “real world,” AKA College, I have learned differently. When you are sharing a dorm with somebody you have never met for 9 lonnnnngggg months, you realize you do not want to make anything awkward. So, yeah, when my roommate decided to do her laundry or, better yet, have friends over until 1 am when I had a 7:30 class the next morning, I learned to just keep my mouth shut. What would have happened if she got offended and decided she would not talk to me anymore? Heck, how would I have pooped with her outside the door?! I would feel more self-conscious than I already did in front of somebody who hated me. I realized one night of not sleeping was worth trying to not make my tiny dorm room any more awkward than it already was to be living in a pea.
I really hate that I’m usually the first person to apologize when fighting with someone EVEN IF IT IS NOT MY FAULT. There is this little, annoying voice in my head that keeps insisting I say sorry. I have never figured this out. If a person is a jerk to me, and the situation is not my fault (trust me, I own up if it is), why must I say the dreaded words first? Oh I know. It is because I hate the feeling of having an issue with somebody. I just assume that a simple I’m sorry makes everything better. It takes away the un-comfortableness each person feels. I would consider this a good thing except when something is not my fault. Then it makes me even more upset that the person I am arguing with cannot own up to their own mistakes. I guess it is okay for them to act like my 13-year-old sister because that is real mature. Cool.
All right, brace yourself. Are you ready for the final and absolute worst trait I have that keeps me from being good at staying mad at someone? It is that fact that my eyes turn into Niagara Falls. This is really troublesome because I will be nailing an argument or point, then BAM, bring on the floodgates. Having this problem makes me nervous to challenge a point anyone makes because if I get frustrated I turn into a river, and I do not know why.

It is really terrible when I am arguing with my stubborn, younger sister – about something stupid, of course, – and she gets me so ticked off that I start crying. For once I would like to prove my point and not have mascara flowing down my cheeks at the same time.

So, if you ever want to get into a fight with somebody, I suggest you come find me, since I will most likely only stay mad at you for 12 minutes, and you are pretty much guaranteed not to have to apologize. Yeah, you are welcome.